“It’s not fair.” I said, maybe the one wrong thing I could say to get fired. The property owner wasn’t happy. Some seeds got left in the sun for too long and lost the bio availability to germinate and my attitude wasn’t helping.
Technically that *was* my fault, but they only sat in that metal cubby at the base of the outdoor grill because I sprained my ankle playing hockey. And yes, I’m getting a little old to be slammed against the boards, but hockey is, or was, a necessary component of my life, supporting my social and mental health.
Sometimes I get hurt. A simple twist of fate and now the seeds don’t grow. I admit it’s true I traded professional success for an HBO binge. Four months on the couch then back to work and no PT because the Doc says gardening is it’s own therapy.
So, not the problem, I know. I was reactive in the conversation about seeds and when the property owner tried to better understand what happened I overreacted even more. I felt persecuted.
All this from bad luck playing hockey and I know it’s all my fault but they didn’t need to point it out.
Yes, saying it’s not my fault, or it’s not fair, is both unprofessional and childish but getting fired for it seems like overkill, even if it was only temporary. I know. I need more therapy than just the physical kind, but the little bits that I’ve had helped me learn how to apologize. Good enough to get my job back with conditions.
Maybe I should provide some context. I have one older brother and one younger and when I was seven I felt overlooked. I never saw the work my older brother put in to earn his freedoms and I certainly didn’t see the endless grind of parenting necessary to keep us happy, whole, and safe. I may have said more than my fair share of, “it’s not fair”.
In fact, I am learning it may even have come to define my worldview unconsciously to such a foundational extent it became a lens through which I view all conflict. A lens looked through irrationally, held up in ignorance, distracted by the event itself placed in my path. I know better now, and begged off for past mistakes.
The boss was kind enough to offer me my job back on a probationary basis as long as the next round of seeds germinates successfully. Here’s to second chances and another season of growth!
Attached note from Property Owner: After reading this I have to shake my head. So melodramatic! I never “fired” the guy. I always planned to bring him back. He just needed a cooldown period before the next task. Good help is hard to find and everyone has their quirks. The key is finding someone whose crazy is compatible with my crazy. This hothead? This I can deal with.
Sure, half his thoughts got refereed by a therapist, but he does good work, shows up on time, and is affordable. Best of all, there was a time he knocked a chunk out of a painted pillar so the raw wood showed through and he told me. So, I know I can trust him.
But he is right. I will fire him if the new seeds don’t grow.